Why Emotional Regulation Isn’t Woo-Woo (It’s Neuroscience, Baby)

Introduction:

Emotions are not soft or secondary…. they are the brain and body’s finely tuned guidance system. Neuroscientist, Andrew Huberman, often reminds us that emotions are “neurochemical events” …shifts in hormones, neurotransmitters and body states that prepare us for action. They’re not random, they are a data set of information. Yet for many women in midlife, juggling careers, children, aging parents, the invisible workload, divorce, renovations and often our own hormonal transitions (compassionate word for a hormonal anarchy) emotions can feel ridiculously overwhelming… kind of like folding a fitted sheet, while technically possible but usually a tangled mess. Emotional regulation isn’t suppression. When feelings are pushed down, the amygdala stays activated and stress leaks out in other unhealthy behaviours, think snapping at your partner, late-night sugar raids, or opening another bottle of wine. Regulating emotions is all about harnessing them as they chemically carry data, information about our needs, values and environments that can assist us to make better choices – respond not react.

Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence explains that emotions influence an array of functions including attention, memory, decision-making, relationships and ultimately sabotage our wellbeing. When we ignore or suppress emotions, we don’t eliminate them, we drive them underground where they often emerge as stress, burnout or maladaptive coping (think overeating, over drinking, over working and excessive screen scrolling). Chronic suppression has also been shown to damage our physical health. Long-term bottling up of emotions doesn't eliminate them, it keeps the body in a constant state of stress, which may compromise immune function and increase the risk of health issues like heart disease, high blood pressure, digestive issues, chronic pain, and psychological conditions like anxiety and depression (American Heart Association).

Brené Brown, who has spent decades studying vulnerability and shame, frames emotions as portals to connection. Naming what we feel, with specificity, builds trust and compassion with ourselves and others. Brown calls this “naming and taming”: when we can articulate an emotion (“I’m anxious” vs. just “I feel bad”), it calms the nervous system and reduces the intensity of the feeling. Simply putting feelings into words has been shown to calm our amygdala (or flight or fight alarm centre) and in turn stops flooding your body with adrenaline and cortisol, slows heart rate and you’re breathing.

Mastering your emotions doesn’t make life perfect, it just means you’re less likely to cry in the supermarket aisle, rage-text your boss or explode at an innocent (albeit annoying) child. Resilience keeps your relationships intact, your health in check and your sanity (well mostly) intact.  Resilience isn’t about being unshakable it’s about recovering faster when life knocks you off balance or in some cases rocks you to your core. Research shows that people who regulate emotions effectively bounce back more quickly from stress and are more adaptable (Frontiers in Psychology). Huberman notes that regulation changes our physiology slowing breathing, shifting heart rhythms and recalibrating brain circuits. It’s like giving the nervous system a reset button.

For midlife women, resilience also means sustaining energy and capacity across multiple roles. Emotional regulation is therefore not indulgence but strategy…. it keeps us steady in the storm and provides us with reasonable psychological stability.

Think of your emotions as a vast landscape - valleys of sadness, peaks of joy, storms of anger and plateaus of contentment. Most of us have been conditioned to camp only in “positive” terrain however the full map matters. Anger, for example, can signal boundary violations, threat or injustice. Sadness points us toward loss that needs acknowledgment. Anxiety can highlight uncertainty where planning may help. By respecting the whole landscape, we use emotions as data, not dictators.

Personally, I had such low interoception (internal body awareness) and was so disconnected from my own feelings (built from layer of suppression and people pleasing that were second to none) that it ultimately led to complete and complex chaos, divorce, loss of identity and ultimately…. alcoholism.

If only I had started the emotional awareness journey earlier. Hindsight – it’s an incredible thing.  Just because I like to leave my blog readers with practical tools that can be incorporated simply, I have included below six evidence-based practices you can weave into daily life to “name and tame” emotions, strengthen resilience and regulate your inner world.

1. Label with Precision
   Instead of “I’m stressed,” try Brackett’s emotional granularity. Are you frustrated, overwhelmed, restless, or depleted? The more precise the label, the more the brain’s amygdala quiets down.

2. Breathe on Purpose
   Huberman’s research highlights the power of the physiological sigh first developed by a team of scientists in the 1930s. Take a long, deep inhale through your nose.

Without exhaling, take a second, shorter inhale to fully expand your lungs.

Slowly exhale through your mouth, emptying your lungs completely.

Repeat this process one or two times whenever you feel overwhelmed or anxious.

Research has shown that it can reduce stress, relieve anxiety and reduce nerves making it a valuable tool for managing stress in real time.

3. Write It Out
   A few minutes of expressive writing (à la James Pennebaker’s research) helps process emotions and prevents rumination. Brené Brown encourages “story checking”- write the story you’re telling yourself, then ask, Is it true?

4. Movement as Medicine
   Emotions live in the body. A brisk walk, a couple of sun salutations or dancing in the kitchen helps metabolize emotional energy. Exercise not only lifts mood but restores nervous system balance.

5. Connection Check-In
   Share honestly with a trusted friend or partner. Naming emotions aloud reduces their charge. Brown calls this “shame resilience” bringing feelings into safe connection dismantles their power.

6. Anchor in Gratitude and Awe
   Daily gratitude practice and awe-inducing moments (watching the sky, listening to music) activate neural circuits linked to calm and resilience. They don’t erase hard emotions but provide balance.

Midlife is often painted as a time of depletion, but neuroscience and emotional research suggest it can be a time of mastery.

Turns out emotions aren’t a character flaw after all… they’re biology. Shocking, I know. When women actually practice daily regulation (instead of pretending stress is a personality trait), they end up more resilient, more connected and a whole lot steadier when life inevitably throws its’ tantrums.

Emotions are not problems to solve, they are guides to listen to. When we name them, tame them and regulate with care, we step into greater strength not just for ourselves, but for everyone who depends on us. And we all know, that is often everyone in our inner circle. #wonderwomen