Carer's Fatigue
Introduction:
As if life isn’t hard enough as it is. With all that we juggle as middle aged women then this. Whether you are caring for an ill partner, elderly parent, fostering a relative’s child or special needs’ adolescent it can sometimes feel beyond disheartening. Many times, the health of the patient or family member deteriorates and the toll of the time consumption and emotional rollercoaster starts to affect your relationships, patience, compassion levels, financial stress and eventually your own health. The chronic exhaustion it can bring into play can be overwhelming which is why taking care of yourself is paramount – not a luxury but a necessity. As the old adage goes – apply your own oxygen mask before you apply others. Without your health those reliant on you have nothing.
Nothing.
Caregivers’ fatigue in the prevalent with over 40% of those surveyed in 2023 by the AARP reporting that the emotional stress of juggling caregiving and working is their largest challenge with more than half citing that it is difficult to then take care of their own mental health. 4 of the 10 surveyed say they can never relax with 14% stating they had frequent mental distress.
So, let’s break it down into the best ways in which to juggle the constant stressors of caregiving. It may be that you are in the profession of caregiving and you can close the door at the end of the day or morning and have time to breathe.
A. Firstly, it is paramount that you realise you are not alone in the struggle. So even if it is not in your personality, it is so important to seek support and understanding. This can come in a variety of means. You can reach out to support groups constituting people who are struggling with similar challenges. There are a number of support groups accessible including closed Facebook groups, specific groups such as The National Dementia Helpline, The Loop (MD support), ADHD - https://www.adhdaustralia.org.au/support-groups/ , Disability Support Groups – Livewire / Little Dreams and many many more https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/services-support/services-families/disability-services-family
To find a community support group, ask your local doctor or hospital, or call a local organization that deals with your loved one’s health problem. To find an online support group, visit the websites of organizations dedicated to your loved one’s health problem
Accessing a support group is connecting with people walking in your shoes – it is like group counselling on steroids and can be vital in assisting you with new time management, financial resource access and other ideas that you may not have considered. In addition, spread the responsibility with as many family members as possible and schedule family meetings if required so you are all on the same page. Talk to a friend or colleague about making a monthly meal – do not be too proud to ask. People who care about YOU want to help. Remember this. They are just not sure how to.
B. Research deeply what funding is available to you that may make life a little easier – starting with https://www.dss.gov.au/disability-and-carers/programs-services - this is also a place to start to look at employment opportunities for people with disabilities. However, if you can access caring funding, you may be able to share the load with a carer. There are a number of “caring” apps such as Five Good Friends, Mable, Trilogy Care, Home Instead, Careseekers and many more. These carers come with Police Checks, Blue Cards, References and also specific skill sets such as Medication Monitoring, Nursing, Bathing, Mobility and much more dependent on your needs or perhaps it is only the cooking and domestic duties you require or the occupying and company of your family member. I cared for years playing poker, cooking lunches, painting, accompanying people to sport games and much more. It pays to invest the time to work out what is possible as may make your long-term situation a lot more manageable for you and a lot more enjoyable for the person requiring in-home care. They are able to sleep over, start at any hour and finish at any hour. It can be as flexible as you require.
C. I know this seems unfathomable to some however it pays to flip the script and instead of accessing the unfairness of a loved one’s illness or the burden it carries – dig deep to look at the things you can respond / react to and don’t engage your energy on the things that can not be changed. Avoid the emotional trap of self-pity or looking for blame. Try on the other hand to embrace this choice and focus on the positive reasons of this choice such as setting an example, extending compassion, repaying the love they once gave you, assisting provide autonomy. Often these reasons can provide motivation to keep going. See if you can look through the lens as the role being a privilege.
D. Treat it as another role and take a super organized approach to prevent the feeling of hopelessness or powerlessness overtaking you. Have files documenting medical care, checkups, vaccinations, legal documentation, appointment calendars, medication routines etc. Reminders will ensure all prescriptions do not run out and appointments are planned for.
E. Schedule self-care. I know, I know. This word is over utilized and genuinely by boogie youngsters who slip into a magnesium hot tub with a Baxter Beer while discussing the wardrobe for the weekend. HOWEVER, you need to find your outlet and put it in the calendar. Is it simply a walk with the dog? To read a chapter of a book? A walk in nature, an art gallery visit, meditation or a gym session. Make yourself an upbeat playlist – music does wonders for your soul and your mindset. Try to steal 30 minutes for yourself every day to reset your mind and turn off. For many of us that is harder than it sounds but quintessential in this journey.
Remember, without your health and peace of mind the person you are caring for suffers too. You are pivotal in their journey. When the going gets tough – remember your WHY.
