Why Am I Always Reaching for a Donut or a Scroll?

Introduction:

Maladaptive Coping in Midlife Burnout

Hey lovelies. If you're reading this while hiding in the pantry scoffing another biscuit, scrolling your phone and wondering if a fourth coffee will help the tiredness, you're not alone.

I work with women in the thick of midlife (the sandwich generation) trying to build their career now the kids are finally a little contained (and stopping Susan from getting the next promotion), caring for elderly parents, running homes, navigating menopause and wondering when life got so... loud. Burnout isn’t just being tired, it’s your nervous system waving a white flag.

Your brain's doing its best to cope in the manicness of drop offs, spreadsheets and picking up the dry cleaning. But sometimes, it picks the quick fixes like sugar, scrolling, a glass of wine at the end of the day, or triple-shot lattes. Let’s break down why this happens, without shame, just science:

Why we reach for sugar, screens, and Sauv Blanc:

1. Dopamine drought:
   Burnout and low estrogen mess with dopamine—the feel-good neurochemical. Sugar, social media, alcohol and caffeine all spike dopamine temporarily. But like dodgy Bumble dates, they don't call back. The crash makes us crave more and so the cycle goes.

2. Stress + cortisol = cravings:
   Chronic stress jacks up cortisol. Cortisol says “Bring me sugar and caffeine, STAT.” It’s not weak—it's biological. Willpower does not have a say here. Seriously.

3. Low energy & emotional overload:
   We’re overstimulated and undernourished—mentally, emotionally and sometimes nutritionally. So often we escape into carbs, reels, and “just one more” Netflix episode (I love it when the TV asks you if you are still watching and I actually haven’t moved a muscle).

So, what can we do instead of punishing ourselves or going cold turkey?

Here are 8 small daily tweaks you can include into your schedule without having to think about it. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, is all about the small changes. They add up.

So, if alcohol has become your stress sidekick:

1. Break the habit loop: Replace the ritual, not just the drink. Fancy glass + soda + lime = still feels like a treat OR change the routine at home for a week – eat outside or around a board game.

2. Know your triggers: Is it 5pm chaos? Loneliness? A reward cue? Prep for it. Fill that slot with a walk, a call, or a podcast that lifts you up (not one about serial killers – it amazes me how many of us do this…..try something a little less chaotic and something a little positive) 

If scrolling is your escape pod:

1. Use a timer, not  “willpower”: Apps like Freedom or ScreenTime can set gentle boundaries so you don’t fall into a three-hour rabbit hole of houseplant videos (or me fainting goat videos)

2. Make your mobile screen boring: Delete the apps from your home screen. Keep only what serves you. Your phone is not your therapist. Even if only for two weeks – try it.

 If sugar is your love language:

1. Eat protein + fat, often: Blood sugar crashes make sugar cravings worse. A boiled egg or handful of nuts at 3pm beats hands down inhaling half the kids’ lunchbox snacks at 4.

2. Label the craving: Is it hormonal hunger, boredom, anxiety talk to you or stress? Pausing to notice is power. Sometimes you’re just thirsty – have a glass of water. Or furious – take a walk or wash your face with cold water.

 If caffeine is keeping you on life support:

1. Delay your first coffee: Cortisol is naturally highest when you wake up. Wait 90 mins if you can—this keeps your energy more stable and avoids the “wired-tired” crash. For those of you consuming before working out try looking at alternative pre-workout boosters that are caffeine-free. Try LMNT or Hydralyte.

2. Alternate with water: Every coffee, follow with a big glass of water. Helps anxiety, digestion and the dreaded 3pm slump.

Drop your shame. It serves NO purpose and burns unnecessary energy. These habits helped you survive and perhaps provided a temporary escape chute. But we’re in the business of helping you thrive. You don’t have to give them all up. Just get curious, be kind to yourself, and try a few tiny shifts.

Life is less chaotic when you get beyond “coping”.  You deserve calm, clarity, and a nervous system that isn’t constantly bracing for impact.

Carry on warriors (go on put the Timtams away)

Marianne @ DefrazzleMe  xx